Welcome to the bullpen. Karen Reid in for Doctor Richie with this edition of the bullpen. And I've been so excited. [00:00:15] Okay, doc, I hope has left you in good hands. But he's done me a solid because I'm a huge fan of Rickey Smiley, and I just love you. I adore you, and I think what I love most about you is and I think people overuse this word, but not with you, Rickey. Authenticity. [00:00:30] You're not afraid to be vulnerable with us. So welcome. Thank you. Absolutely. And we thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule, because I know you're always on the road. We were just talking about that before we went on. Speaking of vulnerability, you have a new book out, Sideshow Living [00:00:47] with Loss and Moving Forward with Faith. Easier said than done. I remember that morning when you live stream and it seemed seems stream of consciousness and it touched me and millions of others. [00:01:04] It was the morning you broke the news that you lost your beloved son. He passed away and I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't stop thinking about the moments that you were dealing with. How do you go from that enormous grief to sitting here today, continuing on [00:01:24] and even channeling that grief into this new, incredible book? God and therapy. God therapy and putting gas back in the tank. Because grief empties the gas tank. And finding happiness, in the midst of your trials and tribulations. [00:01:43] And that's what I wrote about in the book. And that's why the book has been getting so many great reviews, is helping so many people. I've been on a book tour all over the country, and I'm getting people walking up to me telling me that they lost their sons and the daughters [00:01:58] and I have connected with people. I have trips planned with, people that have suffered losses just to just to continue the relationship. And it's like, I don't see how I'm going to do it, you know? But we're just trying to plan some things. We got a lot of people help. [00:02:15] I have therapists that come out to my book signings. Wow. Because people have not been opening up talking. People have not been crying. People don't know that it's okay to cry and scream and and release and, because I [00:02:30] was going to therapy twice a week and it's it's been really, really helpful. I love that as a prominent black man, I mean, everybody knows you, your household name that you're talking about, you needed therapy and you did it [00:02:45] and you're still continuing that. But, you know, and I want you to tell us about your son. But I want to know first. Isn't it difficult? Isn't it like reliving? It's not like you just wrote a diary and then, you know, put it away and carried on with your life. Each time you're interacting with these beautiful people [00:03:03] who have this common bond with you. Isn't it painful to live it again, Ricky? Yeah. Your pain goes out for them because, see, we have to remember that right when you think you had it bad, somebody had it worse. So my son was 32. I had a couple of in New Orleans walk up to me who lost their two [00:03:23] year old in May still crying, you know. So so it's like you forget about what you're going through and what you're dealing with. You're trying to figure out what are some comforting words for this younger couple, you know, that that lost a two year old that drowned? [00:03:40] I remember vividly I, I got them coming up to to an event that I'm having in Birmingham. I'm going to take care of their hotel and, and everything we gave them, we made sure they were straight, you know, just to make sure we put some gas in the tank for them to, to, to give them a, [00:03:55] to let them know that there's some light at the end of the tunnel. But when I meet people that have went through the same thing, I really hurt for them because I get my mind off of my situation and I focus on them, at that moment and what they're seeing and what they're dealing with. [00:04:11] I had an old lady said she lost her son and her husband in Nashville yesterday, and she said she don't talk about it. I said, why don't you talk about it? And she froze. She started to tear up. She's an older lady in her late 70s. And I said, it's okay to talk about it. She said. [00:04:26] She just shook her head, so I held her hand. I said, I want you to stand back over here, and I, I talked to somebody that have therapy in Nashville, and now she's connected to a therapist so she can talk and don't have to walk around with that burden and burden and holding it in and not crying. [00:04:45] Crying is like really releasing the cap off of a pressure cooker, right? If you don't release that cap off the pressure cooker. That pressure cooker can explode. You have every time you cry, every time you talk about it, every time you discuss it, you're releasing, some some of the pressure. [00:05:02] And, we're trying to get black folks to go to therapy because we don't. You don't open up a Bible when you roll your ankle. You go to the doctor, but we don't go to the doctor for our mind and and sit down and talk to a therapist to help that muscle that's in your head, to help [00:05:19] you process, process those feelings. It sounds like this is the difference. What you're doing actively pursuing the healing. The grief is the difference between existing and living. [00:05:37] And I also think so many admire that you have been so open about addiction. I mean, if it really is a disease, I don't know why. Some people are shamed into silence. I really think that the way you've talked about it so openly, the struggles, [00:05:56] the recoveries and losing the battle with it has been so helpful to people. Where did that strength come from? Well, my mom is 35 years in the program and my mom always said some have to die so others can live. [00:06:13] And my my son's one of those people that that that had to die. And it's my job to go out here and make sure that others live because he died, you understand? And we have to talk about it. And maybe my son's death won't be in vain. Maybe a lot of people lives will be saved just because him, my son, [00:06:33] my nephew Ronald, they both were age 32. They died a year and a half apart. I have a niece that was 32. She died, after my nephew run. My pastor's daughter died at the age of 32. Also, it's. I don't know, it's just like a lot of people tell me that they lose their [00:06:50] kids at age 32 for some reason, but it's it's out there and it's out there bad. And it's, it's it's it's the things that all of us did just to have a good time. These kids are dying, and we got to have these uncomfortable [00:07:06] conversations with our kids. We got to talk to them. We got to get in their face or whatever. We got to stop, you know, trying to be friends with our kids. We can be friendly, but we got to have these conversations that these kids, when they get seven, eight, nine, ten years old and being their life, being their business and got [00:07:24] to have these conversations because kids are taking pills or marijuana. I mean, fentanyl has made its way into vape vapes. Now they're it's in marijuana. I know a lady whose son was smoking marijuana, and he went straight back and he died. [00:07:41] And I'm hearing all kind of horror stories about, about fentanyl and stuff, and we're just losing so many people. So we just want to, keep kids safe. But we also want to help the people that's left on this earth. [00:07:56] You know, that's dealing with grief. And whether it's fencing or whether it's a car accident, whether it's a drowning, whether it's an illness or whatever, people are left here suffering one death affect hundreds of people in one family. So we have to talk about it and, and help people through their grief [00:08:15] process, because people don't know what to do when somebody dies. They just think. You just pray and move on. And this deep inside of you. Yeah. I usually ask this question to people who have gone through just enormous, upset and grief. [00:08:31] It's different with you, though, because you are you're a comedian and people love you. You make us laugh and you've been doing it for so long. But do you remember when you were able to get that first laugh in after this. My son died on a Sunday. [00:08:48] Probably that Wednesday I got back on the air. They told me to take as much time as I needed and I started to think to myself, you know, our pastor has been teaching us since we were kids that everything that we're going through is a test, right? [00:09:03] But it don't feel like a test when you're going through the test and you have to snap sometime, you have to snap out of it and say, hey, this is the test. How am I going to deal with this situation? Because there's a mother in Chicago that's probably going down to to identify her 16 year old son or daughter's body at a morgue. [00:09:22] There's mothers all over the country that have to wake up this morning and have woken up, that depend on the Rickey Smiley Morning Show, Praise Break, and the other segments we do on the show to get them through their day. [00:09:37] And, you know, it's just some stuff that, that, that I learned from mentors like Steve, you know, to much is given, much is required. Well, you still getting help and getting therapy for yourself, but you still have to go out and serve the community and show God that during my [00:09:52] times of trial that Wednesday when I got off the air, I talk about it in the book. I had my son clothes in the car to take to the funeral home. I stopped by the Salvation Army to serve the homeless, because I wanted to prove to God that during my during the worst time of my life [00:10:12] that I'm still willing to serve. And it led to the last chapter of the book, God will give you double for your trouble. You know, because job lost everything and his wife said, Curse God and die. But he refused to. And God, enlarged his territory. [00:10:29] And, I'm a living testimony, to God's goodness. I'm. I'm a living testimony to his grace and his mercy. And I get emotional more about God's goodness than the loss. Because he is good. Because I could have been dead. [00:10:46] My other son could have died. A lady the following week lost. Both of her sons, was murdered in LA, and she didn't have the resources to bury him. And so? So I have a lot to be thankful for. That's what I also talk about the book The Beam. Those are the beams of light that's shining down through the gray clouds. [00:11:05] When you think the clouds are great, but beams of light coming in and God is giving you some perspectives to look at and some things to think, to think about. And it's hard, it's tough, it's emotional. But, right when you think you're leaning on God, [00:11:23] he's actually carrying you because, grief will wipe you completely out if you don't, if you don't have something to lean on or, or God carrying you if you're a believer. - What about the rest. - Of your family? [00:11:38] You're used to being out front helping other people. The one that people lean on. How's your family doing now? They are doing fine. My son and daughter are after Brandon's death. They graduated college. That. [00:11:54] Wow. Brandon died in January. They graduated in college May in August from Baylor University. My son graduated from Alabama State University. My daughter, lives in Atlanta. She works for y'all. She works works for Doctor Richie. [00:12:12] She's a graduate of Tennessee State University. My family is fine. My mother is doing fine, and we're pushing through. Another perspective I'm going to give people. Just remember what your loved ones would have wanted for you after their passing. They don't want you down here suffering, crying, depressed [00:12:30] because they're in a better place. So we got to get busy living, like they say on that movie Shawshank Redemption. Get busy living or get busy dying, you know? So. So we got to continue to live because we got to, you know, continue. [00:12:45] We have other family around us, and we don't want to put no more heartache on your family, so you got to keep pushing. I want to get to where folks can can get this. Great. It's getting great reviews already. This work of yours. But just a quick question, and I don't know how you feel about it. [00:13:02] Do you still have conversations with your son? No. I just think that he's in, probably in heaven having a good time, but but I, I, I have a third step over there. I'm in. [00:13:17] I'm in my kitchen that I sit on and I cry it out because, like Regina King say, the love have nowhere to go. Yeah. And it's a lot of love and. And it just has nowhere to go. And I, I just cry it out in release. [00:13:33] I miss him. My kids miss him. Are still as funny, as strong as I sound. I still can't go to the cemetery. I haven't been back. I saw pictures of his headstone, and I just can't, I can't, [00:13:50] I just can't I got to get it. I'm still trying to get it together. It takes some longer than others. Some people go. My kids go to the cemetery all the time, but I'm just unable, right now. I don't think I'm strong enough. Yeah. So I'm still in therapy, still getting the help that I need. [00:14:08] Still out here, talking to people. And. And I cried out when I feel like crying. When I cry, I feel a lot better. So, But this book is a helpful tool for anybody that's grief stricken. And my therapy has taken me all the way back to my childhood. [00:14:24] I haven't even gotten to my son's death yet because I'm. My father died just like my son did, and I tied the stories together. And that's what's so magical about the book, the way the story takes you all the way back to my childhood, watching my granddad bury his son, who was my dad. [00:14:45] Right, right. You got me. You got me tearing up. But I part of it is a happiness that, you know, it's like being able to touch you through the screen, that you're moving forward. The book is called Sideshow Living with loss. [00:15:02] Moving forward with Faith. Where can we find this great work? It's everywhere. Right? It's everywhere. Books-a-million. Barnes and Noble. Ricky, you can go to Ricky smiley.com. And, you remember the song sideshow when you was a kid? [00:15:17] Your mom, your parents listened to by Blue Magic? It's about a clown that's performing, but he's sad. And that's where the, That's what the song sideshow is about. That's where I got it. But anywhere books are sold. If anybody out there that know of anyone that's This grieving. [00:15:33] This would be a great book for them. It's going to help them and it has a great story. It's an easy read and it's written how I speak. So it's an easy read. Well, we love you and want to thank you for being able to do this. [00:15:49] Well, give us this more vulnerability, this inside look. I really feel like it's a peek at your heart and your faith. Most importantly, your faith. Rickey smiley I really think there's more to do. And I don't want to put more on your plate, because I know [00:16:05] you got the hit show every week. I want to see a talk show. Rickey Smiley talk show that people can access broadcast near you where you continue this work. Because I really believe of everything you've done. [00:16:20] This may turn out to be your most important work. That is so meaningful to so many. We thank you for taking time out to share. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.